It's been a great holiday season and a very busy one. My business has been great and I was lucky to work with a lot of families I really enjoyed. Presley is at the perfect age and really enjoyed the magic of Christmas. We were to celebrate the New Year in San Diego, California. On Friday morning (while in California) I received word my beloved grandmother (abuelita) was very ill and I should come home and see her...
This was news we had been coming to expect, but that didn't matter I have never been able to "prepare" for news like this. After some discussion Mark and I decided we would spend that day with Presley at the beach and head home the following morning. She's (Presley's) too young to understand why we had to leave our vacation so early...
I'm so glad we spend the day at the beach. Being in the ocean, hearing Presley giggle and scream in delight was exactly what I needed. The pain in my heart melted away with the sun and waves. I think it's human nature to want to be in a natural environment during times of loss (and joy). I couldn't help be feel peaceful and that everything was going to be alright. There was a moment when I closed my eyes trying to force myself to remember the sounds and feel of the ocean and sand. I knew I'd need that feeling again later...
It was only when we left the beach that the flood of memories and pitiful thoughts returned. At times I felt like I wanted to be swallowed up in pain and far away from the outside world. Only to minutes later to want to be near loved ones and consoled... It was later that night when I was sitting alone watching the sunset that I realized, all that I was feeling was good. It was good grief... It would be far worse if I let my moments of despair take over...
My grandfather died when I was much younger and I was less able to deal with his death. I was much more selfish and had more regrets when he passed. I was suppose to visit him the day he passed, I would visit them on Sundays. But it was raining out and I decided I wanted to stay in bed and read, and if I want to be really honest it was difficult to see him towards the end. The circumstance made it more difficult to accept.
Since his passing I was able to spend a summer with my grandmother. It is a time I will forever be thankful for. I got to know her and love her even more...
Today after I got the news of my grandmothers passing I was in my closet and I looked up on my dresser and I have two photos of her staring right at me! Then I came down stairs and I had a show on for Presley, it's not one we usually watch, "Maya and Miguel". I just wanted to sit down and close my eyes and find some peace within. The cartoon must of said abuelita (spanish for grandmother) 20 times... I think my abuelita has the peace I was hoping for.
